My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
