I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
