did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
