Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
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We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
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I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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