There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
