While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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