I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
This is the prime rib incident all over again
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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