Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
This couple is walking their pig around campus
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
