i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
