I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
