remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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