I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
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