this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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