and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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