Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
