Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
