remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
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