Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
