God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
