I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
