haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Randomize
