ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
