we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Randomize
