I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
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