A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
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I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
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I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
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