We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
