that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Randomize
