i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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