I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
