I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
Randomize
