Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
