Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize
