The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I didn't notice because vodka
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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