that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
