his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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