I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again