You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
23 People Noticed Deal Breakers in Their Partner A Little Too Late
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess