Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.