i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
