carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
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I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
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He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.