Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
and i looked up. we had an audience...
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Randomize
