Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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