i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Randomize
