you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Randomize
