My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
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