So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
