Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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