her vagine was all disorganized.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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