At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
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