I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
