can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize