plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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