Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
