Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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