I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
