hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
