Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
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