Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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