4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Man, jail baloney is awful.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
