Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
