at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
