I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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