evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
