shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
