i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Randomize