i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
