Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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