She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Randomize
