someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
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