why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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